Until when you will be mine?  How long I will bare with this happiness I felt right now. HOW LONG? a big question that always startles me every time I think of the past. I don’t how to deal with things anymore I am so overwhelmed with your comeback. Surprised that you gave me importance inspite of sacrificing me for him. There are lot of questions that runs in my mind? Honestly I thought u came back, for me just to fill the gaps of your past relationship or you can’t go nowhere that time. I am sorry if I was saying this I just can’t say it to you for you maybe offended by my questions.  I LOVE YOU la but I thought you may never feel the same way or it is just an infatuation.  Everytime we chatted  you always fill my day with smile. Sometimes I try not to PM just to let you know that I have grown since our last conversation. But no, I thirst of your presence.  I know there are times that I’m already fooling myself for begging for your attention which I know you can’t give most of the time.  Too many tears I have shed but why I am not still numb. WHY I STILL waited this long ? I tried to find the answer to all my questions but none of it was answered. Till I read your message on FB asking (how are you) . To tell you frankly I thought of not replying you that time but I can’t manage to do that because that’s the only thing I’ve been waiting sinced the last two years. I’ve treasured those memories so much that it never leaves my mind that every smile, laugh and stories we shared . You were the first person who greeted me Happy Birthday on the first few minutes of July 15. The one who makes me sit the whole day infront of the PC just to talk even with the non-sense thing I could ever imagine. You runs my life with that few time of yours . Who could imagine that you will leave an impression that last this long. Even me myself can’t believe how things like this affected my boring life. Sure thing you’re one of the person who put a smile on my face that will last a lifetime . For which path this reality will bring us you will always be here in my heart remember that …..

Ok writing a post again after two months. So this evening is so cold and rainy. Let me think of a topic '' think think" :D Ow how bout the first month of college life. Oh yeah I'm already college taking electronics engineering at Mapua Institute of Technology inside the historical wall of Intramuros. Who would have think that I would pursue this course though I'm not that good in math.Well who cares after all I want is to be an engr. I can say that the previous weeks until now that I'm in the metro is a big challenge on my part.Cleaning our room,the dishes and cooking for myself. Very far from my "kingly" life back in the province haha.... Going up and down the train stations is fun,walking the historical walls and the leisure of malls. A typical boy from the province to a city boy. What a shift of life isn't it.Well this is what it takes to achieve my dream fun but far from my family and friends. But there's always friday time to go back to province yahoo! Just so excited to eat the dishes mom prepares every time I go back home.Cause here what we eat is always instant anything that's fast to cook. I can't end this post for now cause' its just the start of my life here in the city so to be continued..... :D

Honestly I really don't know how to start writing this post. That's why I end with the topic of lifes constant change. Yep the past days made me realize that theres no permanent thing in this life God has bestowed us. But there are things we wished that are permanent. We don't want to think realistically. The reason why most of the time we end up broken and unhappy. Isn't it? the time we do things we never think how playful is this world we live.That it can make anyone the happiest and of course the saddest.Just imagine how many people experience the said words. I still remember a phrase from a book "there is no such thing in this world without its opposite". Well in a lot of problems and circumstances I've been through I have to agree with that. Just imagine when there is life and theres no death.Same with love and hatred. You know what I just end up laughing when I think of this things.Just hoping some might not think I'm insane.I'm just a deep minded person. But all the things I'm curious about are just base on my experiences.Maybe I wouldn't ask why I hate when I didn't experienced to love and been hurt.Some kind of that thing.Ahhh.... why I always end up with this thing on most of my posts.Love always leave a big impact in our lives as written from my previous post last year" Love is unique  not because it is essential to life,But because it's the only thing that makes man worth living" well maybe it means no love life has no value.To everyone who will read this post... Don't let the negative side of reality affects the way you live life -Robert John Manuel

What I felt this night is tremendously different.I can't even laugh for a single second.I'm so downgraded,seems that all my dreams just vanished.I want to die even just for a moment and escape from the problems this world has given me.A can of beer at my side is a very unusual sight in my room.But yes its there, my only companion for the night.I have a lot of dreams in life. But whats the used of dreaming if you know theres no one left behind you to support all this vanity of yours.I need a person to talk with.But where are they? I don't know.Hope they don't fade like my dreams with a blink of an eye.I really feel lonely this night.Afraid but I tried to deal with this suicide thing.I pity myself so much which you'll not find in my character.Kept asking whats the used of all the gadgets on my bed .They are just pleasure of mine but can't never help in times like this.There are people who act concern but behind their words are their impoverish character.Oh God please help me...

Yes, I treated you as a friend.A friend who became my daily routine.But now where are you? you're gone as if a dust in the wind.You left me here don't know how to cope with the days that I need a companion to talk with.Why you people are like that? You come and go.Why can't you be permanent in my life? There are a lot of things that bothers me.Like is this my consequence for all my wrongdoings.Isn't its unfair ,its too much for all the things that I've done. I can't even remember a time that I turn back from a friend or love one.Every night I'm asking this things to myself .Maybe its better that I didn't met this persons.I think its more easier to accept the fact that people just come and gone with just a nap the same thing when we met them.

:) LIVING THIS LIFE NEEDS A LOT OF SACRIFICES TO KNOW ITS WORTH

Its the eleventh day of 2011.And obviously this is my first post for this year.So let's get it started.Its has just been 11 days of the starting year.Yet its been a very busy week.Constructing my thesis and some requirements for the third quarter.I wouldn't even expect the year will start up like this.Well I find it challenging on my part just hoping for the fruit of my hardwork.Uhm...and yes just two months from now if so fortunate I will graduate from the secondary course and will go to college.We just also had our retreat last week in Tagaytay City.Let me tell you some about it.I and my classmates stay in the retreat house for 3 days and two nights.Just reflecting on the things that happened to us.This time of silence thats far from the noise of the urban.I realized many things despite of the comfort living I have now.There's still emptiness in me.Because I haven't release all the pain thats inside me.I've been so neutral about the things happening around me.Not realizing that this is not the life that I want.A life behind a mask of pain and darkness.In this three days I looked up the sky,the trees,the nature and how peaceful it was.I bear with it for three days.I shouted everything that I felt that time,and in that moment my soul calms as if I was in paradise. And this is how my year started busy yet full of realizations...








It's a New YEAR again but remember its not necessary for a person to change.Because what we always love is the real person we once knew.......

Christmas is near....

I already feel the cold breeze,the long nights and see the blinking lights.The jingles like rudolph the red nose reindeer. No doubt Christmas is near.The last and most happy month of the year.I'm already excited for the "Misa de Gallo"(rooster's mass).I missed walking at midnight and see people going out of their houses early in the morning going to the church.The voices of the choir  

that made me awake at the mass.But most of all the delicacies like bibingka putubungbong(all rice deli) that you'll surely see in front of the church.We'll buy some and it will be our breakfast.It is the most anticipated season of the year.And at the eve before christmas it's time for the noche buena a family get together it is one of the sumptous dinner of the Filipinos. I still remember when I was a child I put a sack at our front window then mom wake me up early and see the sack full of toys and clothes.Then on the day of Christmas mom bring me to my God fathers and mothers.Just take their hand then jackpot.For sure you'll receive an aguinaldo(christmas bonus) its a filipino tradition every Christmas.If lucky that dad is with us that Christmas.We'll go to an amusement park and spend the day there.If I can just get back the time.For sure this year will not still be the same as my childhood.Even though its like that.I will still never exchange to any traditions the way filipinos celebrate Christmas.

A year about to end....

I found myself staring at the window.Watching the blue sky.Thinking of all the things that happened this past months.Few weeks from now 2010  is over.A year will past again.I was thinking of the memories I had with the people around me.All the laughs,heartaches,trials ,problems,I had experience the past 10 months.Then I realize how fast the time runs.I still remember starting the year with a resolution,wishes,hopes and goals to be achieve.The past months has been really good to me I met many friends.I was not expecting this.But this year I only knew what love really is.Its the first time I cried for a person.Just this time I felt how to bid farewell.Quitting the things you wish for and long been waiting.It has been months of ups and downs. Still a month and three weeks more before the year will end.I still have exactly 53 days from now before the year will be officially over.A time to reflect of the ending year.How good still God to me.Because he let me experience what love really is for the first time.Its a first that I will never forget.That for almost 44 weeks I still made life worth living.Just now I really appreciate how really important the time is.In just about 7392 hours till this moment I'm writing this.Look at how many things happened.That in the time I'm losing I thought I was already defeated.But yet I didn't quit.Because falling in love is just one of the first that comes my way.I know there are more tears to run my face,more laughs to share and more people to love. :)

The DIFFERENCE

My teacher once ask .Does knowledge hard to get.I raised my hand and luckily I was called.I said knowledge is hard to get.But having wisdom to act it is more harder.All of us has knowledge that we acquire in our  daily living.Me same as you has the knowledged.Its easy for a person to be called intelligent.But being humane and intelligent is hard.Not every person we called intelligent and knowledgeable knows the true meaning of love.Most of them values material things more.Honestly I was once that kind of person before.I have the knowledge but I don't know what love really is.But that view in life was changed since I experienced to loved and to be loved.But that incident thought me one thing.Don't expect too much.And that's one of the best thing I've learned through my experiences.I once knew life on material thing.But know I see it as journey of endless education.Because not everything you learned in school is enough to face the reality of life.Sometimes reality is what makes you not just knowledgeable but to have the wisdom to face the unpredictable flow of life. 

Sometimes not all sweet is good,sometimes bitter is better than sweet.Yes it is more you will appreciate the sweetness if you have tasted bitter first.I've been through circumstances which I consider the bitter part of my life.There's also the good times which I consider as the sweet part of my life.As a sixteen year old boy like everybody else I've been also to bad times.But one of the bitter part is to be rejected by someone you love.That seeing that person with someone makes me vomit lil' by lil' because of the bitterness of what I felt that time.I try to endure that moment seeing that person cares for someone.But nothin' I can do but to watch myself vanished from that person's life.I try to recover step by step and everything is worth because this time.Its the sweetest sweet I've tasted.That person who let me taste the bitter part of life now made me more appreciate how sweet life is.Maybe that person is just God way of making me appreciate the life he lend me and make it worthy."THE SWEET AS I CAN".

THREE THINGS I'VE LEARNED

Keep it, Forget it, Recover from it. Three things to remember after you've been hurt 'cause of loving. First keep it, as much as possible just keep it to yourself so no one will pity you. Based on my experiences I just keep it to myself all the heartaches and all the bad memories. After that it's the time for you to recover,make yourself happy go hangout with friends. As much as possible don't let yourself alone.Because in this period of time you might think of the person again.Then after forgetting it,its time for you to recover.This time be open into a new relationship but knowing the fact of the possibility to be hurt.Yes you heard the same word its "hurt". The only thing you must accept and be ready with when loving. After you know how to keep,forget and recover. Then you can face the reality of LOVE. But based on my experienced I  assure you loving is still the best part of living.

Still in wonder
-Robert John Manuel

That day  still on my mind,

You left an impression never last,

An angel long been waiting for,

Came down and gives shine,

To a life still in dark of the past.

I heard my heart beating,

 A roar of a tiger never been heard,

Only one name is shouting,

A beautiful voice of a chirping bird,

Still in wonder why this is happening?

But then you left,

Not knowing what I've done,

I try to be deaf,

But my precious one has gone,

 All fade with just a beat of a wand.

Its like a ball was roll,

In pain I spend the rest of it,

Not knowing the tears just fall,

Like a cane was beat,

Is this what I deserve after all?

So its the reality

Walking in the sidewalk with a grande pearlmilkshake on my hand.I felt something on my  back well its not usual.I just decided not to mind it.After a while its still feel ticklish.Then I decided to look back then what I saw is a small man.Its actually a kid and he's begging for my shake. Honestly that time I don't pity him.I feel annoyed because he kept on following me.Then I checked my pocket lucky to have some penny then I gave it to him.Guess what he's still not contented still he continues to beg me for the shake.I just said to him next time I'll give you one.After that I rode tricycle going home.While I'm on the ride I'm wondering why that child is so desperate to have my shake.Anyways its just a usual beverage.I got home then rested for while.Still I'm in a mode of curiosity.The next day we watched a documentary as part of our lesson in Filipino.The documentary is all about poverty in the country.While watching it what I felt is guiltiness. Why do this people have to suffer this kind of situation.Then suddenly the small boy pops up on my mind the one I encounter at the sidewalk. Maybe that boy is one of those who suffer because of poverty.That instanced I really feel guilty for not giving him my shake . A lot of things came to my mind after watching the documentary. Its like I've been awaken by someone . Like someone keeps saying to me that I'm very lucky. For I don't beg for foods,don't eat the leftovers and some times I even eat more than three times a day.Why not to give some to them. Then I just realized that even by my leftovers I may have made that child happy.Because if  I l gave him my shake. That child I met may have experienced the taste of luck that I have even with just that amount of beverage left on my hand .Then I just knew how unequal this world is.But just in our own way let's be equal to them by sharing what we have.Let them see the joy of living without the feeling of starving.For them a food does count than a penny.

MY GREATEST POSSESSION

I was asked  what was my greatest possession. Then I suddenly stare at the wall and ask myself. A lot of things came to my mind. After that long time of  thinking. I simply answered this pen was my greatest possession. It may not have the value as golds. But surely its the only thing that I possessed that only knows what I feel .Yeah this thing knows the true me.Its the only thing I used to write my everyday experiences.Not every possession you have knows who you are and what you are. But this pen on my hand is the only thing I can trusts.Because even it knows my secrets this thing can't say to the world all those I wrote using it.That's why I trust it the most. It runs out of ink but still keeps what we had together all the heartaches and joy.Sometimes we don't realize the importance of the things that we have.But the truth this things knows are whole being and what we are just sad that this things can talk nor express what they want to say. We the living can express what we want but still don't used it on good things. I just wish that this pen can talk so it can express its reactions to what I write.

A PEN DESERVES TO LIVE THAN A MAN WHO DOESN'T KNOW HIS LIMITATIONS...

Kaibigan kaya mo yan (friend you can do it)

"Don't lose hope my friend".After a long time of no chat finally I saw my friend online.He is suffering with an illness.He didn't specifically said what it is.I respect his decision to keep it private.But what I notice is he's not good.Just the words that I saw was I seldom smile I seldom laugh and just found myself staring at the window.I pity him much.Because what I see is not a friend that I knew.We both love crazy stuffs then but now he barely laugh or smile.Just what he said is I'll no longer stay on this earth.That reality for me is also hard to accept.One night after we talked before I sleep I prayed for him.I said my true friends are countable by fingers please don't let one perish from my life.Yes that's true they are only few   I consider true to me.After all I didn't expect it would be that worst an illness that I knew.That even me kidding when he said I have only few times to spend here.Please man forgive me for all the insults I've said.Thanks for being a good friend man .This not a goodbye just a post lol....I know you can do it. I know behind all those pain you felt there are lot of persons who loved you just think of us.Even though I know it will not relieve the pain I know it'll help.

PAGALING KA.

PAIN IS JUST THE ABSENCE OF JOY AND WHERE HERE FOR YOU REMEMBER THAT...

It just hurts

Pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya di na bale kung may mahal siyang iba.

I've just heard a song with this lyrics and yeah its better to let the person you love know how you feel regardless if that person loves somebody.Its hard to let go but its the best thing to do.Accepting the fact that that person is not worth of your love.But its not easy to forget. Yeah forgetting is not an easy tasks to do.Because I myself  have experienced it.That time, I'd love to wake up in the morning and the best part is that I think of you before I sleep.Now everything is just like a nightmare, a bad dream that never ceases my mind.It is now hard to think of you . I am a fool I may say. Because I still don't regret that I met you .


The world will change but my feelings for you will not be buried in forgetfulness.....

Your precious than what you think

One time as boredom strikes I met this person.We exchanged stories about life,how happy it was.How to make it worth living.We even talk the whole day.I really appreciate those things.A person who shows me the positive side of life.I get to use to talk to that person everyday.That's the only time I knew how friendship was. No one knows the importance I felt because of that person doings.One of this is, to experienced greeted on the first minute of my birthday, just to send a warm greeting on a phone call.Not even my parents let me experience this.I can even regard it as of one of my best birthday in 16 years of my existence.All my problems are welcome to say.But I am afraid if this was all true or just an hallucination.Because most of the people I encounter as my friends all just ended up into a dissapointment.Its dissapointing because most of them are not true to me.In short some just use me.Experiencing this makes me alone most of the times cause I don't know when to trust a person.But this time I trust a person not even meeting in person.Maybe because I saw how I was treated and the attention given to me is exemplary.Now the time is passing not knowing if that person still consider me like it was before a companion, a friend,a confidant.But whatever it takes.Everything that person shows me will still remain not just in mind but in my heart.....

I've laughed a hundreds, but when you came to my life 
you're more than those precious things that made me happy...

FRIENDSHIP IS NOT ABOUT THE MATERIAL YOU CAN GIVE,ITS ABOUT THE COMPANIONSHIP THAT YOU SHARE THAT NO ONE CAN FIND IT ANYWHERE. -Robert John Manuel

PAGMAMAHAL (LOVE)

The first time I met you,its just like the usual thing, then its goes deeper everyday not knowing than I'm starting to love you.That is one of the treasured days of my life you fill my emptiness you make my bore days come into life.Every night before I sleep I'm not anymore afraid to face the challenges of tomorrow.Sometimes I've come to a point of confusion is it really love or just an infatuation? I'm afraid to enter  a battle of no assurance of winning it.Then I realized what I am afraid of ,is it having you or losing you?Yeah its my first time I'm afraid that I'll just lose you but having you is the only thing that makes my every day.One time as I walk going home I saw a lovers at a bench I envy them.I said to myself one time I'll be sitting on that bench holding the hand of the person I love.But I hope its not already late for me to say how much I love you........... 

LOVE IS UNIQUE NOT BECAUSE IT IS ESSENTIAL TO LIFE BUT BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING THAT NOT SEEN BY THE NAKED EYE WHICH MAKES THE MAN WORTH LIVING -Robert John Manuel 

Hostage

It means to held somebody.But now this word is in the news all over the over the world because of the incident happen in the Philippines last August 22. A crisis that last for about twelve hours that take 8 lives.The hostage taker was also killed who is an ex policeman who demands to be back in service.As all everyone notice the assault team mishandled it many people were dissapointed for how the assault is done and its brutal ending.Many call it the Quirino bloodbath named after the place were the crisis happened.The Hong Kong government and its people is very angry for what happened even me a Filipino is very dissapointed.But looking at it ,it is an isolated case and Filipinos have nothing to do with it. I heard in the news that  some Chinese employers fired their Filipino employees because of what happened.My point here is why do Filipinos need to suffer in this such isolated incident isn't its unfair that a lot of us is suffering from this thing and a lot of us has nothing to do with it.When China produced products containing melamine do us Filipinos discriminate them,just imagine how many victims suffer from it.What we just want from them is to understand that the incident is not the fault of the whole Filipino country.Hope that Hong Kong and its people will be considerate for what happen.. Lets just pray for the justice of all the victims,and those who died that they may rest in peace  ......